Dear Abortion Protesters

Dear Abortion Protesters,

Greetings! First, I would like to say that I hope you are having a nice day and that your harassment of terrified unwed expectant mothers isn't causing you any undue stress.

As I live very close to an abortion clinic, I get to see a lot of you guys in action. I'm a little concerned. I mean, I understand where you're coming from and you don't like to see babies get killed and all that. But you guys have stuck to the same game plan for years now (standing in front of clinics, praying, yelling at people, etc.) and it doesn't appear that any babies are getting saved. In fact, I can only guess how many pregnancies were aborted by mothers sort of teetering on the edge of doing it/not doing, and decided to have the abortion just because of how rude one of you protesters came across to them. I mean, that's a baby dead just because you didn't have any tact! How embarassing!

So, while your antics and clever signs continue to amuse me, I feel like I need to present some alternate methods that you might want to consider. Because, honestly? Yelling "you're going to burn in hell forever!" just isn't getting the job done. So, have you considered...